Tools

I am now closing in on 4 years at goal. Think about that: 4 years at a normal weight. I've never done this before, in my entire life. I've kept about 80 lbs off for nearly four years. And I've kept more than 50 lbs off for more than five years.

Sometimes I remember my fat days, and think they must have been a bad dream. But they were real, all too real. And because they were so real, I'm determined that I ain't a-goin' back. The old lady's dead.

So . . . what keeps me here, at this weight? Why haven't I gained it all back?

Well, that's an interesting question. I can think of several <ahem> large reasons why I want to stay where I am now:

• I don't want to do this again.
• I feel awesome at this weight: strong, energetic, alive.
• I look great. Or, as I like to say, "not bad for an old chick."
• I don't want to die early. (I was probably headed for that.)
• I also don't want to be a cardiac cripple. (Maybe I was headed for that, too.)
• I want to keep my closet full of great clothes, and ditch them when they wear out, not when they become too small.
• I really, really enjoy being an RNT - a "Results Not Typical." (That's my inner brat talking; she relishes chanting "nanny, nanny, boo-boo" from time to time.)

But, these are just concepts. They represent what I want, but they don't represent what I do, day in and day out. And oh yeah, plenty of other folks have had the same wants, but have regained. Heck, for that matter, so have I. I'll write about that sometime.

So, what do I do to stay here? It's actually pretty simple, in retrospect. I . . .

• Journal my food. Every day.
• Weigh myself. Every day.
• Weigh/measure my food, when I'm at home. Eyeball it for portion size, when eating out.
• Exercise. This is easy for me: I'm a bicycling fanatic enthusiast, and I love to sling the iron around.
• Remove small gains while they're still little enough to strangle easily.

I also . . .

• Don’t view any food as forbidden, unless it's truly lousy for my health. (One word: trans fats. Well, OK, two words.)
• Sometimes eat more than I planned.
• Never, ever, feel guilty about eating more than I planned. Life happens; I'm human. I still love food, and that will never change.
• Enjoy several treats, every week. Usually, it's a scone, muffin, or some other pastry. Or, it might be something like the fried onion straws that Jeff and I split at Black's Bar and Kitchen last Friday night. Or two glasses of wine and a huge piece of chocolate cake, along with an appetizer-size dinner.

The things that I do are my tools. One thing I've learned is that most naturally-thin folks really aren't all that "natural." That is, they do work at staying thin. Maybe not as explicitly as I do, but they are, for the most part, mindful of what they are eating, have eaten, will be eating . . . and they work to balance that out, even if only in their heads. My insurance agent, for example, is a woman in her 60s. Thin as a rail. Never been fat, ever. But she works at staying tiny. She knows, as she told me once, that she can't have the large entrée and the big dessert, if she wants to stay where she is, weight-wise.

I use my tools every day, and they keep me accountable. They help me stay mindful. Could I drop the journaling bit, and the food weighing? Yeah, probably, at least for a while. I've been doing this long enough that I know what my portion sizes should be . . . at least right now I do. A year from now, without journaling or measuring? Who can say? Portion creep is very real. I still struggle with the size of a muffin or bagel, and I still eat the large ones, in full knowledge that they are several portions each.

Re journaling: I'm probably just enough of an obsessive personality that I actually don't mind doing it. A PDA and a database make it super-easy. And recording my food gives me a daily boost. It says, "Hey, Deb, pay attention! This is important! Focus!" I make time for it every day . . . and it really doesn't even take that much time. It's a habit. It's just what I do now.

Tools are useful, and there is no shame in using them. We all use tools in various aspects of our lives. For example: I'm a CPA, but I can't add two numbers together in my head. Shove a calculator in my hand, though, and I'm anyone's equal.

Archimedes said, "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." Such is the power of the right tool.

So, I view journaling, and all of my other tools, this way: they are my "equalizers." Using them, I'm the equal of any naturally-thin person. Does it matter to me that I don't eat "normally?" Heh, heh. Well, just what is "normal" these days, anyway? I think it's probably "mindlessly eat anything and everything that's put in front of you, and gain pound after pound after pound." Do I want that kind of "normal?" Uh, no, thanks. I'll stick with my tools, and use them to eat healthfully. That's my "new normal," and it works for me.

It might just work for you, too.

* * * * *

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Comments

[Susan]

Loved your essay. You Go Girl!!!

[Jean]

Hi Deb, I am a poster on the ww maintaince board and a lurker on the 50's board. I always love your comments and advice on the boards and your essays on your web site.
This article came at the perfect time. I have been maintaining since 2000 with my ups and downs. I did really well with my "line in the sand" for the last few years but over the last year, allowed myself to go over that line. I like you, weigh and journal daily, and exercise, but not to the extent that you do - but it doesn't take much... I am just enough over to make some of the clothes a bit uncomfortable, so your essay was very timely.
I also work in Balto. We will have to meet up one day!
Jean

[Judi]

Hi Deb -
Thanks for your article. I had been wondering if you still track your food and this answered that for me. I lost 55 pounds on WW, got to my "paper" goal so that I could become lifetime, decided I wanted to lose another 10 pounds, and just hit that goal today. I find your story very inspirational and can relate to most everything you talk about. I am enjoying the new me and am determined not to go back. Thanks so much for sharing!
Judi

[BJ]

Thanks for your comments on the WW message board and for your article. It all seems overwhelming to me and I've done this weight-loss thing before. But, as you said it's not so much about the weight loss as it is getting healthy...that's where my focus has to be. I've weighed and measured, journaled, answered questions in another program I was in for nine years....my thoughts are..."do I ihave to do that again?"...I think I'll read your article again and get to some meetings..I'm scared but it's more scary not too. Today I ate everything in sight and in volume...oblivion eating...need to perserve and not give up! Thanks, again.

[Diane]

Hi Deb -

Your blog cuts to the core of achieving permanent weight loss and so it speaks to me in a big way. I respect your honesty, articulation, intelligence and humour. It makes reading your blog a lot of fun. Congrats on achieving 4 years at goal... WOW! That is fantastic :D.

I belong to a small online Australian weight loss group and I'm sure your articles would be well received there. Was hoping I could get permission from you to cut and paste some articles onto our forum, giving credit to your of course and posting a link. Please let me know.

Thanks, Diane

[Meredith]

Deb, you have a knack for putting into words what a lot of us "not naturally thin" have learned the hard way. I am glad you are sharing this in a blog. I seem to be an expert yo-yo'er, within a narrow range of 10 lbs but I am getting tired of that. I have never regained to my top weight but I truly admire what you've done to stay at goal for so long. That is my challenge.
Meredith

[Frances]

Thank you so much for your blog. You are amazing!! I am a CPA also so your words really resonate with me. I am starting over today, I want to lose 40 lbs, and will come to your blog for inspiration!
THANKS!

[julie]

I've been reading some of your new and old writings, you seem to think a lot like me. I've not, nor will I, do Weight Watchers, but I follow your philosophy on flexible restraint-if I feel like drinking, or eating chocolate cake (on a rare occasion), I do, but I mostly eat rather healthy. I eat an obscene amount of fruits and veggies, exercise 1-2 hours daily, and am losing weight (I lost it, then regained it). I have about 40-50 I could stand to lose.

Not to get all parent-blaming, but the mom is into the uber low-fat diet, is so proud of herself that she has never eaten salad dressing, only eats junk food when nobody is looking, gave me some bad habits. If I eat enough fat and protein, I stop eating. If I don't, I keep eating, never satisfied. It took many years to figure it out.

Wish me luck!

[Gillian]

THIS was EXACTLY what I needed to read today. I found your blog from your profile on WW, and it must have been meant to be. I achieved Lifetime last Spring, and slowly got out of the habit of journaling and measuring my food. I used the "I want to eat normally" excuse. Well, I am not normal. I have food issues. And "portion creep", as you so accurately called it in your essay, definitely took over. So now I'm over goal and needing to get back under control. Thank you for this. I will be checking back for further inspiration. :)

g

[Val]

Hi Debbie: Just a quick note to express my appreciation for your essays and wonderful WW posts. I'll be at my goal weight of 135, or below, for one year on May 2nd, 2008 (yay!). I check out your posts daily and they really help me stay on track. Hope you have a great biking season this year. My DH and I are considering a long, supported ride to enjoy this summer. Heaven!
Best wishes, Val (vslaymaker)