Padded Corners

It’s just not fair, is it? Here you are, trying to lose weight, and your boss had the nerve to bring Krispy Kreme donuts to this morning’s meeting. Not only that, but there’s going to be another office potluck this Friday -- and Marian will probably bring those decadent brownies -- again!

And -- the final straw -- your husband wants to go to Outback on Saturday night. Yiiii!!! You can’t handle that . . . how dare he even suggest it?

Everybody knows you’re on a diet, so why are they doing this?? Don’t they have any consideration for you at all? Are they doing it deliberately? Just to sabotage you?

Nope. They‘re just living their own lives. Welcome to the real world.

Truth is, your boss has bigger things to think about than your diet. Your husband (hopefully) cares, but he’s not the one trying to cut back. And really, why should everyone be expected to change their behavior for you? Think about it . . . it’s more than a little presumptuous to expect folks around you to adapt to a change in your circumstances. Changing your circumstances is your job. Not theirs.

You cannot control the people around you; you can’t dictate what they can or cannot do. All you can do is control your own behavior.

I remember one time, early on in my weight loss efforts, when I was still trying to figure out the Weight Watchers program. My husband and I had just finished dinner. I was done eating for the day - I was out of points. But Jeff walked over to the freezer and hauled out a carton of Ben & Jerry’s “Everything But The . . .” He sat down opposite me, removed the lid, and dug in.

Ouch, that hurt. I wanted some so badly.

But I didn’t rail at him; I didn’t tell him how unfair it was that he was eating ice cream in front of me. I simply said, “I really can’t watch you eat that right now, so I’m going upstairs. Please let me know when you’re done.” And so I did, and so did he.

You can only control your own behavior. It’s up to you to figure out how to do resist eating foods you don’t need to eat. But here are some approaches that have helped me:

• Remember that whatever it is, it’s not going anywhere; they’re not going to stop making it anyway soon. If you really want some, work it into your food plan during the next week or so. On your time, on your terms.
• If you really, really, really want something - can‘t stop thinking about it - and you have room for it in your food day - then have some. Have it in place of the afternoon snack you were going to have. It’s good to have a little spontaneity in your life, as long as you manage it properly.
• If it’s mediocre, turn it down. No way I’m going to have a slice of two-day-old Safeway cherry pie that was left lying in the office kitchen. I’m too much of a food snob for that. If I really want a slice of cherry pie, I’ll go to Dangerously Delicious and have the very best. Life’s too short to eat bad food, and I‘m not going to waste calories on an indifferent pastry.
• Resist food pushers with a simple refusal. “I’m not hungry; I had a big lunch.” “I’m feeling a little off.” Or, the simplest of all: “No, thanks.” Say that as many times as necessary. Don’t elaborate. DO NOT tell the pusher you’re on a diet. That’s like waving a red blanket in front of a bull. The truly professional food pusher will rise to the challenge, and you’ll go down in defeat . . . or at least get roughed up pretty good.

No matter how much we wish it would . . . the world just isn’t going to pad its corners for us. Food is everywhere, and if we want to be slender, we have move deftly to avoid being bruised. The good news: it gets a lot easier, the more practice you get.

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Comments

[Penny]

You nailed it--all the situations, same week--weak me. Thank you for the reminder that it is ME changing eating behavior, not "them," and for the ideas of how to handle situations.

[Dan]

Hi,

I am actually the ice cream eating husband who is very proud of my wife. She has chronicled the after weight loss struggle on her blog http://www.lightsize.com. Her self image is just now catching up with her actual image, and maybe you two could share tips on maintaining the loss.

[Paula]

Your comment about not giving the professional food pusher added ammunition by telling them you're on a diet really resonates with me! This is one of the key things I've learned also! You gotta have a very strong (not agressive, just self-assured!) front with no weakness showing.

This can be handled politely, but definitely no wavering uncertainty that signals you're vulnerable to their leap on the opportunity to tempt and coerce you into eating whatever it is they're pushing.

Sometimes what they're promoting is really tops nutritionwise and not "bad." But when you've had enough, you've had enough! and you shouldn't feel guilty and need to explain why you're turning something down. It's like "Give me credit for being smart enough to know what I want and need to eat!"

Great post!

Paula

[Denise]

And it does get easier and easier and easier...

Last night I wanted a Greek Salad, so I made one... dh and ds wanted nothing to do with it... and went to Taco Bell. That would have KILLED me 3, 4, 5+ years ago.

Should I ask for something? Just this once, won't hurt. No, I probably shouldn't. But, oh man a 7 Layer Burrito sounds so good right now! No... I really shouldn't.

But now... it isn't even an issue. They can eat it in front of me... no problem.

It does get easier.

[Debbie]

Yep. Last night, we went to Cafe Deluxe. DH had wine, a lamb shank with mashed potatoes, and an appetizer of onion straws. I had a glass of wine, two rolls, and a cup of wonderful fire-roasted tomato soup. And about 6 of the onion straws. That was enough.

We packed up 90% of the onion straws, and will reheat them and have them with dinner tonight. I'll be having them on *my* terms. :-)

[Linda J.- Weightloss Journey Using Merida and Diet Blog]

Well- on the one hand you are one step ahead of me- I would never bring that ice cream into the house :-) . But- you are right. Its like being an alcoholic and expecting no one else to drink.. But I am early in my journey so for now I just don;t have problem foods in the house.
Good Luck!
linda

[R.E.]

I'd like to invite your readers to visit Sharing a Healhty Path, a new online support and information group for anyone with 100 pounds or more to lose, ready to commit to a healthy lifestyle. My goal with A Healthy Path is to establish a supportive online community committed to a long term vision of personal, healthy change.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/healthypath/

Stay healthy!

[Darryl Zoller]

Hi, Deb. I commented a few months ago. Made it, as you can tell from my WW post to Kristen today. I too started a blog, whose URL is given above. I daily post a motivational thought to "give back." I'd be interested in your appraisal of my blog thoughts, when you have a chance. As a fellow MDer, I am proud of all you have accomplished and are doing, for yourself and others. Darryl in Dunkirk, southern MD.