Get Over It

[The following essay is fueled by prednisone. Pred makes me more plain-spoken than usual. You've been warned . . .]

Let me paraphrase a quote I read recently on the Weight Watchers message boards. It echoes many similar quotes I've seen over there:

"I don't want to always have to watch my weight. I like to go out and have a good time. My girlfriends tease me about being so GOOD and eating just salad. It's just not FAIR."

Lesson number one: get used to it, honey, because that's what it takes. Watching your weight, that is. NO ONE gets a free ride. Even skinny girls get older, put on weight, expand in the middle and wonder what the hell happened. Trust me on this one. I've been around a while.

Those people who can eat buckets of food every single day and don't gain? They don't exist. Well, maybe on some other planet. I can't say, haven't been there. But here on Earth? Nope. Not in the long run. They may escape the fat genii for a while, but eventually, time and overindulgence take their toll.

So, there's not really anything for you to be jealous of. The world is actually fairer than you think. Folks that eat a lot? They have big butts. Or they acquire them. A Starbucks barista I used to talk to once told me about her customers. Those coming in every day and ordering the venti-double-fat-lattes . . . well, they grew bigger every day. Surprised? I'm not.

No one gets a free ride. Not in the long run.

"But," you say, "my family, all my friends tell me that it's not NORMAL to [count points, watch what I eat, eat healthy stuff]."

Lesson number two: do not confuse NORMAL with HEALTHY.

It is NORMAL in today's society to not watch what you eat. It's also NORMAL in this society to be overweight or obese. That doesn't make it HEALTHY. We are killing ourselves with too much food and not enough activity.

Well, OK, now that I've scared you, let me tell you the good news.

Lesson number 3: you can eat right and still have fun.

You don't have to wear a hair shirt and stop bathing to eat right. All you have to do is learn balance.

Getting back to those skinny folks: you think they're eating buckets of food every day. Actually, they're not. Consciously or unconsciously, they are balancing their food intake. They eat more some days, less other days. Here's an example: my insurance agent is a woman in her . . . oh, mid-years. (Older than me.) Skinny, looks great, never heavy a day in her life. She told me that she watches what she eats, very carefully. She knows, for example, that if she goes for the big entrée at dinner, she can't also have the dessert.

OK, so she doesn't watch her food as closely as I do, obviously. She has a natural (or early-learned) talent for balance. Or, her body works better than mine does, in terms of all those complicated "satiety" signals that help us know when we should stop eating. Whatever it is, I do what she does, but in more detail, because I am, unfortunately, not as talented.

My approach is to eat mindfully. I eat basically healthy, but I do enjoy myself, and indulge every now and again, enough to keep from feeling deprived. The days of stuffing peanuts in my mouth without a care are long gone, baby. If I eat it, I'm aware of it, and I record it. I may eat more some days, but I balance those days out with eating less other days. Follow me around for a day, and (depending on the day) you may wonder how I keep my weight down. But follow me around for a week or two, and you'll see how I balance it out.

It's not that formal; it's really a seat-of-the-pants approach that works for me.

And it, or something like it, can work for you, too. You have to develop it, day by day, the same way that I did. Custom-tailoring always fits best . . . in clothing, in bikes, in food plans. And here, you get to be the tailor.

So, go on. Give it a try. You can learn to eat more sometimes, less at other times, and thereby enjoy your life (and also fly under your friends' and family's radar screens). Weight Watchers calls it flexible restraint, and it's actually the key to long-term weight control.

This obesity thing: we'll never be cured, y'know. But we can manage things pretty damn well. In the long run . . . that's all that matters.

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On a personal note: the prednisone is doing its job . . . I now feel like I was never injured. This time, it was worth the aggravation of taking it.

But I still can't wait to be done with it. Yes, it does make you more hungry. Yikes.

Oh, and apologies for using even more "all caps" than usual.

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Comments

[clover]

Hear, hear! I posted a kinder, gentler version of this on my fav weight loss forum. I love how you say there's a difference between normal and healthy. It's normal to eat crap, to eat food with almost no redeeming value at all and eat a lot of it. It doesn't make it healthy. The obesity epidemic proves it is completely normal to eat too much.

I admire you for being able to eat more some days and less other days, to find a balance. I lost 120 pounds 3 years ago and have gained back over 20. I find I can't over indulge and cut back at another time. I've tried. Lord knows I've tried but I can't do it. Or I can't do it yet anyway. I'll bookmark you and visit again.

[Debbie]

Hi, Clover. Luckily, I'm off prednisone now. :-) Thanks for your comments. What I try to do on "cut back" days is eat smarter. I eat more volume -- lots of veggies, broths, etc., to make it seem like I'm eating more. I also have to have a certain amount of fat, as well as protein, to feel satisfied. It's all about whether I feel like I've had enough to eat. If I do it right (and I don't always), then I'm able to eat less for a day, two, or three (or more) without feeling deprived.

Sure, sometimes I mess up. I don't get enough to eat, and then I eat a bit more. Doesn't make me gain, but if I'm trying to knock off a pound or two, it slows things up. But none of us are perfect . . . least of all me.

[Debbie]

PS - Awesome weight loss! Be proud of what you've accomplished, and what you're going to accomplish. :-)

[Mandy]

I just wanted to say I'm glad to find your blog. I read Passing for Thin and recently have been reminding myself of something from there- "how many recoveries are left in you?" to help me when I'm straying and close to bingeing. It just reminds me that it's easier to face the problem rather than create another need to recover from weight gain.
Thanks for doing all that you do!

[Debbie]

Hi, Amanda, thanks. I think we have as many recoveries as we need. I don't believe in limits . . . I think all of us have the reserves to do what we need to do.

"Passing for Thin" is an excellent book: I just reread it, myself. I don't do binges; but if I did, I think knowing that no foods are off-limits would help me. I have had experience, in the past, with food "calling" to me from the kitchen. Funny; those voices are silent, now. :-) I know I can have it if I want it, and that takes the urgency away.