drop the fork

Now, You Be Flexible With That Restraint, Y'hear??

I had a great time last night.

Hubby and I went to a party for a retiring colleague (his, not mine). It was held at the home of another colleague, one who loves good food and loves to spread it around. He also happens to have a fabulous wine cellar, and he's not stingy with it.

So, let's see . . . what did I have?

Umm. Well. About 3 glasses of wine, spaced out over the evening. (Don't worry, hubby was the DD and drove us home.) Oh, and little appetizers . . . sweet 'n sour meatballs, tiny egg rolls, some cheese and crackers. Dinner was lovely -- grilled swordfish, salad, asparagus, and a spoonful of wonderful potatoes au gratin.

But I have to tell you, I REALLY enjoyed the dessert table. Chocoholic that I am, I particularly liked the brownies and chocolate chip cookies, so I had a couple of each. There was lattice-top peach pie, and I had a small slice of that. (Peach pie is something I don't run across very often.) Another guest remarked that the orange bread was good, so I sampled that, too.

All in all, it was a wonderful evening, and it was even worth the wicked hot flashes I got in the middle of the night (wine does that to me). The whole evening came to something like 1700 calories. I guess I should point out that I had a great time BESIDES all the food I had . . . social occasions are, first and foremost, about people.

Now, you're probably wondering: do I eat like this all the time?

Good Lord, no. If I did, I'd soon be fat again. And that would be unthinkable.

But equally unthinkable, to me, would be having to eat "diet" food the rest of my life. To make little "point friendly" entrees or desserts and take them with me to parties. To fear social occasions because I might eat too much. To take only tiny slivers of desserts. To never have my favorite foods again. To eat the same $#&@ thing day after day.

I just can't live like that. Not for the next 30 or 40 years, or however much additional time I'm granted on this earth.

So, here's what I do: I eat more some times, and less at other times. I don't strive to eat exactly the same amount of food every day. Instead, what I work toward is balancing my intake over time; for example, over the course of a week or two. If I happen to eat too much one day, I just cut back a couple hundred calories for a day, or two, or three, or however long it takes. Or, I don't "eat" all of my daily exercise for a session or two. I'm pretty casual about it, actually. I don't try to make it all up at once, because I know that's not healthy.

In short, I take each day as it comes. I guess I could call my method "seat of the pants" food control. I do not obsess over every little bite. I absolutely refuse to do that. I also never regret a meal. If I happen to eat more than I planned, I just say to myself, "OK, that was lovely" and move on. I do make sure I journal every bite, though, so that I don't lull myself into thinking I didn't eat "all that much."

This is a great idea, and as a matter of fact, turns out it's a Weight Watchers concept. It's called flexible restraint, and there's a chapter devoted to it in the new Weight Watchers book, Weight Loss that Lasts.

Now, we all know we can't eat all we want, whenever we want, and lose weight. Dietary disinhibition (don'tcha just love scientific terminology?) is what this is called, and for obvious reasons, it's associated with obesity and failure to lose weight.

But here's something I didn't know until very recently, and I'm betting you didn't, either. It turns out that a high level of dietary restraint -- that is, being too controlled and rigid over what you eat -- is also associated with obesity and failure to lose weight.

Now, isn't that something? If you don't control your eating, you probably won't be able to lose weight successfully. Ditto, if you overcontrol your eating.

Amazing. What a revolutionary concept. Think of the freedom it promises.

If you can be flexible about what, when, and how much you eat every day, you don't have to feel deprived. You don't have to feel trapped.

You don't have to wake up in the morning thinking, "Oh, geez, how can I KEEP DOING THIS DAY AFTER DAY?"

Because every day, you have choices. You can eat a little more for a special occasion. You can eat a little less because you know there's a special occasion coming up.

If you have been hankering for a couple of slices of real, cheese-laden, honest-to-God pizza, you can have it. As long as:

• You understand that "flexible restraint" is not code for "eat-all-you-want week."
• You understand that you really do have to plan for, or make up for, eating a little extra.
• You are honest with yourself about how much you ate, and (if you're the journaling type) you record it faithfully and as accurately as you can.
• You can live with a temporary jump in the scale (if you're a daily weigher) and you understand that it is just temporary, as long as you return immediately to your regular weight loss/maintenance plan.

So, waddya think? Ready to give it a try? If you do, remember -- flexible restraint does not mean no restraint. You have to follow a sensible food plan, one that is at least somewhat structured, that feels right for you, and that works for you. You have to find your own balance. The way I do things may not work for you, y'know. (I am, after all, something of a maverick.)

If you are not comfortable with doing things my way, but you're intrigued by the notion of loosening up your eating habits a bit, start small, and work your way up to whatever level you are comfortable with. With a little practice and a few successes under your belt, you'll become more confident over your ability to handle food more flexibly.

I also recommend that you read Chapter 3 from Weight Loss that Lasts -- it goes into more detail about why "willpower" is not the key to lasting weight loss. (No, I'm not insisting you buy it -- check it out of the library or borrow it from a friend.)

Be sure to let me know how it's going, OK?

Also, be sure to enjoy. Food is one of life's great pleasures. Having to control your weight for the rest of your life does not change that.

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Weight Watchers: the Skill of Flexible Restraint

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So, Like, What's My Motivation?

Folks who are looking to lose weight talk a lot about "motivation." They discuss having the "will power" to lose weight. They seek motivation from success stories, from Weight Watcher meetings, from "skinny" pics taped to the fridge. Sometimes they lose their motivation, and have a hard time getting it back. (Sometimes they never do.)

But really, what is motivation, anyway?

I don't know. I only know what it is for me. Well, more or less.

I was very much motivated to lose weight, waaay back in 2002, and today I still am "motivated" to stick to my current size. But if you ask me what my motivation actually is, I'm not necessarily going to be able to tell you, at least not with pinpoint accuracy. Why? Because I don't think that what propels me is "motivation" in the traditional sense. It's not anything external; it's not anything I need to have a periodic "dose" of. It's definitely not the dietary equivalent of a "tent revival."

And it's not will power, that's for sure. Will power is vastly over-rated. I seriously doubt that life-long weight loss can be sustained by will power alone, because having "will power" implies having to struggle. No one has the strength to struggle every single day for the rest of their lives. It's just too exhausting.

For me, I think it's because I'm just not the person I used to be.

What I did, apparently, was create a new "me." A "me" that is healthy and fit. A "me" that is trim and loves to wear fun clothes. The former is much more important than the latter, but they both contribute to my desire to stay where I am, and not backslide. I don’t think I set out to become another person, but that's essentially what happened. I do what I do every day because it's just what I do.

Is what I do -- weigh and measure portions, monitor my weight, journal my food -- the "easy" thing to do? Probably not. It's much easier to just grab just any ol' thing and munch away. It's much easier to pay no attention to nutrition, but just eat whatever I want, when I want. And that's pretty much what I used to do. You know, back when I was fat.

Is what I do every day a "struggle?" No, it's not. Like I said, it's just what I do. It's become second nature to me.

Now, it's not as if I don't think about what keeping my weight off means to me. I do. I work to stay focused. I go to WW meetings. I stay in touch with like-minded friends. I know that to revert to my old habits would mean the return of ill health, something that I am intensely determined to avoid.

I also know that I have to keep my weight off if I want to continue to feel energetic, young and powerful.

I'm not sure, really, whether it's the carrot or the stick that keeps me going. Is it primarily my fitness and the fact that I feel about 25 years old most days (carrot) that keeps me in line? Or is it the fear of developing clogged arteries and heart disease (stick)?

Hmmm. Well, to be honest, it's probably a combination of both. And I'm sure there are other reasons, as well . . . ones that I'm not even able to articulate.

I think that for me, it's not about "finding motivation" any more. It's about WHO I AM. It is no longer like me to eat in an unhealthy way, to eat too much. I'm no longer that fat person. I'm now a skinny person without a fat suit. To regain my weight would be unthinkable.

It really doesn’t matter, you know, which one it is. Because whatever it is, it's working for me. And if it works for me, I know that it, or something like it, can work for you, too.

So -- what's YOUR motivation?

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